O.M.G.

You will never believe what I am doing today!!

For those of you that do not know me personally, let's just say I have always had a bit of a camera phobia. I have ALWAYS hated my picture taken. I have also NEVER liked the way my arms looked. (Truthfully I still don't but....) Even as a little stick figure with a 26 inch waist in highschool, I was self conscious of my arms. So that makes what I will be doing in less than 4 hours all the more amazing. What am I doing??

I am having Classic Nude Portraits done! :0

Guess I took that recent self esteem post to heart! LOL

Sorry, I won't be posting pics. ;)

Fifteen Pounds!

I have lost fifteen pounds this month. I don't know how. I wish I did so I could keep doing it. Eating has been sporadic, but always in check calorie wise. Exercise has not been as often as usual. I just don't know. Maybe my body needed a long break!!

Regardless I am not complaining!!

Feel Good Emotions

People say that there are good and bad emotions. For me, emotions are just emotions. It is want you do with those emotions, how you allow them to affect you and how they direct your actions that count. Those emotions that have been deemed “bad” have gotten a bum wrap. Is anger really all that bad? There are plenty of things to be angry about in this world. Is guilt really all that bad? If you are guilty doesn’t that tell you something? Is fear really all that bad? Doesn’t fear have a usefulness?

People constantly try to push away or ignore those emotions that they view as “bad”. I think the reaction to an emotion is far more important. Being angry at someone, in and of itself, is not bad. That person did something to elicit the emotion you are feeling. Ignoring the emotion or pretending it is something it is not is denying yourself of the full potential of the experience. It is denying yourself of the full potential for personal growth. It is the way you channel that feeling that is good or bad. The feeling, itself, is neutral.

For an example from a recent blog post…I became so angered at someone that I literally threw something at them. (It was just in their direction!). It was not the best way to handle the situation. There were many other options. I allowed my emotion of anger to elicit a bad action. This response to my anger is what is bad. The anger, itself, is neutral. On the flip side, if I am angered by some social injustice and I take part in an effort to correct it, I am reacting to my anger in a good way. The anger, itself, is still neutral.

If I feel guilty for something I did, the guilt is just another feeling. It is how I act on that guilt that is good or bad. Am I going to continue to do whatever it is that created the emotion of guilt? Not recognizing guilt and not being open to what guilt is trying to tell you is bad. The guilt, itself, is neutral. Am I going to try to make the situation right? Am I going to make it a point to never do it again? Understanding what guilt is trying to tell you and learning from the experience is good. The guilt, itself, is still neutral.

Fear is an interesting emotion.In many cases we do not even understand the nature of the emotion yet it is so strong that is can overwhelm us. I am terrified of tight spaces. Don’t care for elevators and have to be sedated for an MRI. (I don’t care how “open” the darn thing is!!) I also don’t feel comfortable in large crowds. I can not deny that I have this fear. I have no rational reason for it; it is just there! However my fear is not “bad”. It is just an emotion. It is how I allow my fear to affect my life that is important. Am I going to miss the once in a lifetime concert because I am fearful of crowds? Am I going to miss out on a great experience because I am fearful of tight spaces? Allowing fear to deny you of experience is bad. The fear, itself, is neutral. Yet, fear can also help make you aware of dangerous situations and help you be cautious when caution is prudent. The fear, itself, is still neutral.

For contrast, let’s look at am emotion that is generally deemed “good”. What about happiness? Can happiness ever be “bad”? Happiness can sometimes have a very blinding effect on people. Take this theoretical example, a woman has just found out she is pregnant. She is ecstatic. She could not be happier. It is all she can think about and all she can talk about. Unfortunately, she has been blinded by her happiness and forgets that her friend’s son just died. The upset her happiness has caused her to, unintentionally, inflict on her friend is bad. Happiness, itself, is neutral.

So to categorize emotions as good and bad is pointless. Instead we should focus on what those emotions make us do or say. Be more aware of the result of your emotions. How do those emotions effect your decisions? How do they effect your actions? What choices do you make because of them? What lessons do you learn from them? You might be amazed at how different your outlook is once you accept your emotions and examine the effect they have on the whole.

Impromtu Sunday Workout

Sunday is not usually a workout day for me but I will probably not get a chance tomorrow since I will have an electrician tearing apart my kitchen all morning. Okay, it probably won't be that bad but nothing is ever easy with regards to the crappy wiring in this house!!

Today's workout consisted of:

Regulation Push-ups
Stretching (hip flexor, glute, quad, hamstring)
10 min cardio
3 sets Renegade Rows
10 min cardio
Stretching (hip flexor, glute, quad)

I am going to try to get in some kettlebell work tomorrow if possible.

Now, off to bake brownies so I can bribe my electrician to help me hang a light fixture as well!! LOL

Tabata protocol

This is c&p from the All-round Strength Training blog...

The Tabata protocol consists of 20 seconds of maximum intensity exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest. This cycle is repeated 8 times, for a total of 4 minutes. Tabatas can be performed using any exercise. The key is to perform at maximum intensity, which has the effect of increasing aerobic capacity and raising the body’s metabolic rate for long after the exercise itself has finished.

If you have never tried tabatas, you are in for a surprise! 20 seconds doesn’t sound like a very long time, but the body fatigues more quickly than you expect, especially if you are not used to high intensity work. Whatever exercise you choose, whether squats, press-ups, burpees or something else, count the number of reps you do in the first 20-second interval and try to get the same number of reps in each of the subsequent intervals. It’s a lot harder than you think.

The Slacker Returns

I have really been slacking on my training logs. Today's log isn't going to be that spectacular. I actually planned to take this week off but the weights were taunting me and I gave in! LOL

Today I did renegade rows, regulation push-ups and hula hooping. Interesting combination, eh??

I have been drumming a lot this week so definitely burning up calories that way.

The past two days I have been starving. I am not really sure why but I have kept everything in check and where it needs to be. I been trying to be careful food wise this week since I have not working out.

My tattoo is healing well but my pants still hurt across the middle of my back so that will probably prevent me from doing a few things over the next couple of days.

All or Nothing

This is such a dangerous attitude.

"Oh, I had too much cream in my coffee this morning! I have totally screwed up. I might as well have chocolate cake the rest of the day."

What does 50 or so extra calories have to do with anything you eat later in the day? Why has food become torturous? Worry less about those 50, 100, or 500 calories you weren't supposed to eat and think about what all that stress you are putting on yourself does to you.

Stress causes a cascade of hormones designed to prepare your body for hard times. Meaning, those hormones are there to make you fat!! So stressing over 100 calories is really counter productive. Being guilty for indulging in birthday cake is pointless. Exercising yourself silly trying to counter act some candy bar you had is crazy.

We need to stop looking at each individual morsel of food and look at the whole picture. If you are eating chocolate cake everyday then you need to examine things a bit. But if you are having a piece chocolate cake at a birthday party every 6 months then what is the big deal? Eat the cake, enjoy the cake, don't feel guilty because of the cake. It is just food.

One hundred percent dietary compliance is simply not possible. We are not perfect beings. We will make mistakes and make choices that don't fit perfectly with our plan. These things do not make us bad. They make us human. Aiming for 100% dietary compliance is setting yourself up for failure. Why do that to yourself? Give yourself permission to indulge every once in a while. Do so with happiness and joy. You might be amazed by how great you feel!!

199.4

That is what the scale read today. I have finally broke 200!!!!!

Push-ups

I can finally do real push-ups! What I have been doing is trying for 10 push-ups in as few sets as possible.

Today I did 4, 2, 1, 1. You will notice that is only 8. The last few I couldn't get back up so 8 it is.

I am amazed at the difference in stress on the lower back between incline push-ups and regulation push-ups. It really points out the fact that my core is not as strong as I think it is. LOL

The week off!

I will probably get in push-ups this week but anything thing that is "sweat inducing" will not happen this week. I got a new tattoo yesterday that spans my shoulders and goes down my spine. So I will be taking it easy this week.

I am going to focus on diet this week. I have never really gotten back on track after my unfortunate trip up north. Since I have been dropping weight really quickly I haven't really cared. But I know I need to pay better attention regardless.

Weekly Wrap Up

I am usually better at posting my training logs but the last few weeks I have been slacking. Slacking in the logging department not the training department.

I have a new workout partner and we are doing kettlebells in the park on Monday's and Friday's. Wednesday's (every other actually) I am taking a belly dancing class and I am still working through the 100 push-ups plan.

I have been doing push-ups on an incline for three weeks, on my knees for 2 weeks prior to that. Five weeks ago I could not even do a negative push-up without crashing to the ground! Three weeks ago I could do a negative but I could not push myself back up. Last night, after I did my first set of incline push-ups I said screw it and decided to try regulation push-ups. I was able to do 2 in a row and then 3 more in separate sets. An hour later I was able to do 4 in a row. I was so excited. I am amazed at how quickly I have built upper body strength!!!

My goal is to be able to do 10 reg push-ups by the end of the year. I am wondering now if I need to increase that number?????

What has loosing weight and getting strong done for me?

It has turned me into a girl! LOL

Seriously, I find myself putting on perfume and lipstick, buying pretty panties, painting my toenails, shaving my legs.

I NEVER used to do any of this. I always thought it annoying. Now I find it fun. And I am not doing it for someone else; I am doing it for me.

To think, it has taken me almost 35 years to embrace being a girl.

Kettlebells in the Park

I met my new workout partner at the park today for some KB swings. It was really nice working out outside. I am also starting Belly Dancing classes this week. I can only take them every other week but it will be fun nonetheless.

Ruthless

That was my approach to cleaning out my closet today.

RUTHLESS

I have been having a crisis of wardrobe lately. Ironically, I did not expect this. I wore a size 16 before and had kept much of that wardrobe. Many of the items I loved. However, my body is built a little differently now. While getting dress this afternoon I put on a shirt that should have fit. It looked like a pillowcase with holes cut in it. Actually, a pillowcase might have fit better than this! LOL

So I dumped my entire closet full of clothes on my bed and tried on every piece. (And I mean EVERY piece ;) )

If it didn't fit perfectly, it got ditched!

If it fit but wasn't flattering, it got ditched.

If it was faded or had otherwise 'seen better days', it got ditched.

At least half of my wardrobe is in a pile destined for Freecycle. Then there are the things waiting to be washed that will get the once over later.

I just sent K in to do the same thing because if the man puts on one more shirt that he wore in the 90's I am going to kick his a$$. I am afraid he won't have anything left when he is done! LOL

On the subject of self-esteem

I have been examining the subject of self-esteem of late. This topic has come up a number of times over the last two months in various forms and from various angles. I feel it is due some blog space. If you are not interested in hearing about my specific roller coaster then you should move on now.

Specifically, what is the relationship between body confidence and self-esteem. Are they the same thing? How do the effect each other? Can you have one without the other?

I have always considered myself to have a very high level of self-esteem. (Okay there was a period during my first marriage that that wasn't true but that is another blog post!) I think my friends would all agree. I am a very confident person and I know what I am capable of. However I have had periods in my life where my body confidence was all but non-existent. I am talking about being comfortable enough in your body to let someone (other than your SO) see you naked. Where do you rate??? (My comments section better be really full after this! Scale of 1 to 10 will suffice. LOL)

Since this is my blog, I am the one who gets to fess up, so here goes...

High School - I weighed 130 dripping wet, 28 inch waist, B cup. If someone had suggested I get naked I would have slapped them! Being a teenager aside, that sort of thing was frowned upon! :)

College - I was 180 ish, I was a bit more relaxed, not specifically happy with my body but I would have let someone see me naked then. At least after a drink or two ;) Although I will admit there were other issues playing in this time in my life so that may not have been all about body confidence.

After having 2 children - I was 270 (:0). Are you f-ing kidding me? Now way in hell, not if my life depended on it. On a scale of 1 -10 I would rate my body confidence in the negative. I didn't even want my husband to see me naked then much less some outside observer, theoretical or not.

I am no barbie doll, nor do I ever wish to be (Man, can you imagine trying to buy jeans!). My goals are to be healthy and strong. For a very long time I was sick and weak. Really, it wasn't even THAT long ago. It is only in the last year that I have gotten to the point of describing my physical self as healthy and strong.

Am I where I want to be physically? No, but I am getting there. These things take time and since I am more focused on the process and the learning experience, I am not on the fast track to 'barbie-land'. (Shudder to think! I am top heavy enough, thank you very much! LOL) I am healthy, and through my daily practice I will get healthier. I am strong, and through my daily practice I will get stronger.

Back to those original questions that started this ramble....

Are body confidence and self-esteem the same thing? I do not believe they are. At least not for me. I know there are many people that have a much closer tie-in than I, but for me they are separate but parallel states. They can entertwine with one another but are ultimately separate.

How do they affect each other? I think this is obvious. You can have a good self esteem and not be comfortable with your body, but once you are comfortable with your body then your self-esteem can't help but go up.

Can you have one without the other? I think I already eluded to this. You can have good self-esteem without being confident in your body BUT I don't think it works the other way around.

Last, but not least...Am I confident enough in my body to let someone see me naked? Six months ago I may not have opened myself up to the possibility of criticism. My confidence was still teetering on the edge; there but not quite firm. Now, I find I don't care about the possibility of criticism because anyone that would criticize doesn't see the journey. I know where I have come from. I know where I am going. And if whoever it is that fills the role of that theoretical observer doesn't wish to see the journey beyond the stretch marks than their opinions are unimportant to me. SO I guess that was a VERY long winded way of saying, Yes, I am confident enough to let someone else see me naked.

It's finally Friday!!

I officially weigh less than my husband!

205.8

Five more pounds and it is party time!! (Not goal party time, mind you!)

Today I am feeling very motivated so I have a quite challenging workout planned.

Starting with Week 2 Day 3 of 100 push-ups. That will be followed by deadlifts and glute bridges. I will finish up with 2 Tabata circuits that I will throw together on the fly. They will most likely include plenty of KB swings (2H and 1-arm), snatches (because I love snatches), C&P and high pulls. If I haven't puked by then I might throw in some windmills.

My top 5 favorite fitness blogs

Simple Strength

Mark's Daily Apple

Tracey Reifkind

Swigg Blog

Modern Forager

Week 2 Day 2

I finished week 2, day 2 of the 100 push-ups plan round 2. That is it for today. This round I am really feeling these in my shoulders. Amazing what changing the incline can do.

Yesterday was a brutally simple workout of deadlifts, ball bridges and snatches.

What to do....

What to do...

I really want to do the Strength program in NROL but I seem to be stuck with my little knee issue.

I do have a kettlebell strength program. I would need to buy a new KB to do it but it would give me an excuse for a new one. (Because I need one! LOL)

Part of me wants to keep winging it but.... And since I am making kick ass progress right now I should probably continue to wing it....

Still my Type A personality craves structure...

Oh, what to do... what to do...

Daily Practice

In response to a recent MDC post....

The question was, How do you deal with falling off the wagon?

My response was, get the hell off the wagon; the road is too bumpy anyways!

Seriously, ditch the idea of being "on the wagon" and "off the wagon". The imagery of "the wagon" in weight loss is there because people a "traveling" towards their destination. The destination being their goal weight.

I prefer to think of this process as a "daily practice". A practice that is not entirely focused on weight loss and more focused on manifesting a healthy life. It is also a practice that will go on for a lifetime. Not one that will stop once I reach my desired body composition. I like the term daily practice because it doesn't set up expectations of perfection that are unobtainable. A daily practice, much like someone that has a daily yoga practice or daily Tai Chi practice.

I make the commitment to practice everyday. Each day I will practice a healthy lifestyle. I realize that not every practice is going to be perfect. Things in my practice are going to happen that are not ideal and are not exactly how I want. I will not be at my best everyday. However, everyday I will get up and practice. If today's practice is less than it should be then I will still get up and practice again tomorrow.

And as the quote says above....

Consistent Practice equals consistent progress. (I have seriously been considering getting that tattooed on my body! The question is where??) That's from the Simply Strength blog, BTW.

Push-ups Soloing

Push-ups were all that made it into the workout today.

BUT, I have NEAT galore. I discovered wet carpet under my bookcases in my homeschool room. So I have spent the whole day rearranging the house. :)